How to Get Pregnant: 25 steps (with pictures) – wikiHow

While thinking of interesting media for The Useless Counsel, I thought about all the crazy “How To” links there must be on the web. Even my wife suggested posting a way of beating the washing machine at the laundry mat out of it’s coins, a sort of “How To” in its own right.

So it wasn’t a giant leap to type into google the words How To. Well that didn’t really give me what I was looking for so I went back and added the word “Get” and low and behold, I see the magic phrase “How to get pregnant”. As a red blooded American man I just had to click it.

Do I suggest you do too? Not sure. I guess the title above lets you in on what i found. “With Pics” helped my choice and it may help yours too. Unfortunately I was not so excited once I landed at my destination. You know it’s one of those internet things where you sit down to accomplish one thing and seconds later your thinking about sex. The 25 steps was misleading and the pics were not that arousing either. In fact step one had all but turned me away. “Stop taking birth control” . . .  wow . . .  really?… how incredible!

Step two was also for those with little to no imagination. It suggested to “evaluate your physical condition” Now that seems closer to a starting place for me. If I leave my house I might consider such a thing, or if I decide to drive a car or operate heavy equipment. If I wanted to get laid and that encounter would produce offspring I’m not sure that is the question on my mind and I don’t think it would be the number two thing I consider. Perhaps a better question would be “Does this woman have a boat load of money”? or how about “Is this someone I want to see for ten minutes every saturday for years and years when picking up my child”? However this question is leaps and bounds closer to where we need to get to for our stated goal. At the very least it involves a person, yourself, and not a pharmacy.

Third Step really says it all for me . . . Ready? . . . “Have SEX”!!!!!!! . . . WOW . . . What a novel fucking idea. Thank God for the internet – for without it there would be no children!!!

Steps four thru twenty five had to do with eating like your already pregnant so we know this info is out there and that’s good right?

I do believe The Useless Counsel should consider searching each week for a novel “How To” and post it for the betterment of all. Perhaps we can create a “How To” of our own one day. Boy – that would be fun!